I want to see someone with whom I can just be myself. Someone with whom it is not exhausting to be with. And suddenly I remember my childhood where I spent so much time in solitude longing for love. As a result, I become a creative person. Creativity is the only thing that keeps me sane in such a lonely and dangerous world. I feel like an alien in this world, yet keep creating. Writing, drawing, recording, finding relief in my stories that I create. Talking to imaginary friends. Or spirits.
There is nothing you need to fix. Surrender. Let go of all your small ideas and let life wash over you. It will turn you into the beautiful soul you already are. Through waves of suffering and bliss, mountain peaks and valleys. You are not alone. You never were.
I met a young guy with a chronic disease whom I would refer to as an angel in disguise. He had dreams of traveling the world and now he is bedridden most of the time. He is not even 30 yet. He had to surrender.
Just being in his presence taught me so much ... and I met him again in my dreams!