It all is about self-love. You can sing the most beautiful song and still judge yourself and label it as not good enough. You can be the most successful musician and still feel unworthy. What would it feel like if you were your most gentle lover for yourself? What if you saw yourself through the eyes of unconditional love? If there is nothing to prove, nothing to do? You are loved. You are perfect. Just as you are.
I had some insights yesterday while singing for some people on a group call on Skype and then also while recording a video last night:
The singing, the music, the tones, it is all good. It all is about self-love. You can sing the most beautiful song and still judge yourself and label it as not good enough. You can be the most successful musician and still feel unworthy. Still feel like you got to do more. But you can also strip away the judgement, the mean attitude and the harsh criticism and embrace yourself.
Love yourself deeply, accept yourself.
What would it feel like if you were your most gentle lover for yourself? What if you saw yourself through the eyes of unconditional love? If there is nothing to prove, nothing to do? You are loved. You are perfect. Just as you are.
Singing makes me happy. The moment of using my voice, feeling myself from the inside, diving into my inner landscape - and the moment of silence afterwards and the energy doing its work. It happens in the empty space. The shifts.
I enjoy that it calms people down and connects them with beauty, with love. It is the best feeling I know, that peace. That feeling of safety, love. I can sense the energy shift within minutes. It is wonderful to bathe into those vibrations.
I want people to feel that way. Loved, safe. Reminding them of “home”.
Darkness is contrast. It makes us see what is raw, true and real.
I have been so much in a dark place, in so much emotional pain that I am so thankful to be “back” in the light again. And I am thankful for this experience. To get to know all aspects of myself, to make peace with the shadow, to respect it and to know what path I want to walk. The path of light. Not the path of darkness. However, darkness will always be part of me and that is okay.
Now I am so grateful. For the most simple things (which are all divine). Once you let go of how your ego thinks it has to be (and loving that ego too, instead of destroying it) it all falls into place.
I’ve watched the movie “Passengers” last night and it brings up gratitude. We might think, living on a planet that sustains life is all just normal, we take it for granted. But it is amazing - once you remember there are people up there in space where there is no air no fresh food and you depend on those machines to function or you are dead very soon.
We are here. Alive. Wow. There is the earth and there is nature, there is air we breathe and food we eat. There are other people. I think the worst thing that can happen to humans is to be alone. Imagine being on some spaceship, it is only you, nobody else. No matter what luxurious life you have, you will feel empty after a while. Humans go crazy when they are alone. 90 years alone. Holy shit. Imagine that!
And I was watching that movie and I am grateful for being able to watch movies and that someone takes the effort to make them, that someone builds a sofa I can sit on, that my husband loves me so much that he supports me no matter what and that this little feline being cuddles my sadness away. There is food on the table and it is a beautiful country with beautiful people. There are 1001 reasons to be grateful.
But when you are in deep pain and deep despair you are cut of your heart and those feelings. Then everything is dark, a veil covers it all. You see a flower but you cannot feel the beauty of it. As this can only be felt with the heart.
Then you only know the beauty but you cannot feel it.
Darkness is really a great teacher. By bringing you to the edges of your limits, you can take more light in later. It expands you, in a way. It has its place. Dive deep into the darkness when it challenges you and then slingshot back into light.
And the other thing I learnt is - it is all just attempts to explain something. It can only get one side of the coin. Pointing at the moon will never be the moon. We try our best with words and they can do a lot. However, they are just ideas, models, crutches to grasp the ungraspable.
As I love writing, I will keep writing, doing my best to express what I experience with those flimsy little beings that we call words. It’s our bridges to understanding and hopefully they find the way into our hearts.