I was trying to figure out who I am, what my essence is. So this image of an angelic healer sitting on a cloud... that is just one part of me. The other part is a warrior, an asian man with a sword, ready to fight, bravely, fearlessly, ready to clean and ready to face the tiger with the thorn in his paw ...
Sometimes, we just want to know who we are and put ourselves into boxes. Like: I am this. I am that. and it can be fun to explore, because it means diving deep. So there I was trying to figure out who I am, what my essence is. I felt like being everything and nothing at the same time, wondering what "Caro" is. A rather complex being.
I then stumbled across some very interesting stuff on FB. A sound healer from Australia that has a healing voice, a classical background in music and plays soul music on piano for people. I listened to the music and it is very soothing ethereal music.
As I compare myself to that just for the fun of finding my own position in soundwork, I felt like this is not fully who I am. I am not just a soothing singer... Even tough I would love to be.
My singing can be very calm, very gentle, very soothing but it can also be very powerful, wild and almost unpleasant to listen to (a feedback I received even when I would study voice). But it is like sound medicine, it brings up stuff. It can be quite intense, for me and for others!
So this image of an angelic healer sitting on a cloud... that is just one part of me. The other part is a warrior, an asian man with a sword, ready to fight, bravely, fearlessly, ready to clean and ready to face the tiger with the thorn in his paw.
It is an interesting mixture for sure, angel and warrior and having that reflect in the music as well. Many of you do not know my powerful side as I tend to rely on the soothing music a lot. It is almost as if I am afraid to share those very intense medicine songs publicly. I do share them with people that are ready and request a sound healing recording.
I know both of these aspects are me and it is about balancing them. It is like light and dark. Sometimes the angel is needed and sometimes the warrior. Over time they might integrate and merge. The warrior might get softer and the angel might get more strength. Angels do not have to be just sweet and smiley.
(As I started to take a course in chinese sound healing this month, I noticed not all the sounds are heavenly "oooohm", there is also anger and agression being released through other sounds. That was quite a shock making those powerful, aggressive primal sounds - but it felt good to do so once you overcome your conditioning labeling this as dirty and bad. I understand there is a full range in sound healing, not just the soft, beautiful pleasant tones!)
So this is integrating those two parts. I feel like the term of a sound shaman is finding me. It is sound medicine, it is both sides, light and dark. I have always been strong contrasts. So this is where I am at right now. Pieces of the puzzle coming together and a stream of images, visions, dreams, memories, almost too much to take in. Big, big stuff. But I am still good with it, it is part of the path.